destruction brings forth new life

Yeah, I'm not liking where this blog is going. It's too random in the thoughts it puts forth, that really, I feel they ought to go somewhere else (like my little journal I carry everywhere) than posted for everyone to read. I seem too angsty, and I've already managed to move away from issues I'd like to talk about. I'll be bringing about these changes soon, and starting over. That being said, I'll probably move these to my livejournal, and perhaps start somewhere where I can control the layout of my journal. I'll post a link to either later.

litter

I've been thinking lately as I walk to school in the mornings that children are the future. (Most) parents and the rest of society raises them with the upright values of respect and courtesy, among others. In school, we're taught that we can be who we want to be, and that it is our job to take responsibility to change the world for the better.

With these things in mind, it is with a heavy heart that I notice the trash--bottles, empty cigarette packs, cups, etc.--littering the sidewalks in front of the college's sorority and fraternity houses. This is what has become of the children raised in the green sweep of the 1980s and 1990s. They are too busy to worry about the planet and saving the world. They are not here because of some undying passion for learning and bettering themselves; they're here for the good times and the proof that they did something with themselves after the black hole of high school, but they rarely learn about life, only about living in the moment. Instead, they move on into the same workplaces as their mothers and fathers, only to repeat the cycle over.

Financial Aid

I went to the Financial Aid office today to discuss the new "at risk of being homeless" option on the FAFSA this year, and once again outline my situation. The woman at the counter ran down the list of criteria that would qualify me as independent, insisting that taxes had nothing to do with the entire process of determining my status. She came just short of calling me a liar when I said that I while I get along with my mother, she doesn't support me through school, and called her supervisor as if I had begun to throw a temper tantrum, "...Determining dependency status...yes, same thing; no, different student..."

I spoke with the supervisor who also came just short of calling me a liar when I pointed out the arbitrary definition of potentially-homeless and explained why I just might fit there. She said (despite the official document which states that "temporarily residing with people because you have no place else to go" is a determining factor) that because I had someone's permission--I had asked--to live here, I am not homeless. True. For anyone who lives with someone else because they have no other choice, I assume they asked permission. But it's not a matter of whether or not one has no place to live; it's plainly on the page in the words, "homeless or at risk of being homeless."

Despite this, I proposed another means of proof that I do not live with, nor do I receive tuition from, my mother. I brought up taxes, and she, like the other woman, said that they don't use the tax status. I mentioned bank statements, and she said parents would give money in cash. I suggested a notarized document signed by her (again proof that I could just, you know, live with her if I didn't live here and still go to FSU, since we get along), saying that she doesn't pay for my tuition and general expenses like my apartment, cell phone, electricity, daily necessities, food, etc. But the woman declined, saying that the only thing a notary does is confirm that the person whose name is on the document is the one who signs it. She specifically denied that signatures are legally-binding.

I began to say that I wasn't the only one with this situation, and that this ought to be taken seriously, but she interrupted after, "I'm not the only one," and proceeded to say, "You are the only one. You absolutely are the only one." I continued with the rest of what I was about to say, to which she replied that they simply accept that this is how the law is and move on with their lives.

Her only hope for me was to petition to my legislators. I thanked her for her time and left.

My problem is this:

Every year, I am required--by law--to lie on my Free Application for Federal Student Aid. I am obligated to say that I live six hours away with my mother(maybe I commute, or maybe she makes SO MUCH MONEY that I can just fly into class on my private jet which I'd be able to afford after just a few years of saving her "expected family contribution"), in spite of what every other legal document of mine reads, that she supplements my income so that I can go to college, regardless of my tax information which is also required for this application.

I'm sick of being told this is a battle that cannot be won. These standards were put into place because so many people were able to get money by cheating the system. Now, how many people actually DO get money? I'm interested in knowing, because I am financially responsible for myself; not my mother, not anyone else. I'm missing out on grants which would allow me to go through school without paying hardly anything--if that. If bank and tax statements aren't enough, and signatures aren't legally-binding (which I'm pretty sure they are), then this country is further contributing to the debt problem, especially because student loans cannot be eliminated with bankruptcy.

What hope is there?

obligations

This weekend, I got so much, yet so little done. I'd meant to spend more time accomplishing things, since the livingroom is still in shambles, and the hardwood floors need sweeping and mopping. I did manage to get my car cleaned again. There were little scraps of styrofoam lacing the floor of the back seat, and for some unknown reason, there were leaves. Tons of them tucked between the cushions. There weren't things I hadn't expected to find, but it's amazing what a vacuum can do...speaking of which, it ate fifty cents of mine, but because--so the store said--it's not "broken" they can't refund my money. That's happened at another location, too.

The kitchen got cleaned, and the laundry got done. Eric cleaned the bathroom sink and floors, which look very nice. He also got rid of his "boxes" of stuff that lie around looking like a box of stuff on the livingroom floor.

I also read the wrong assignment for my Rhetoric class. The one I read is for next Tuesday, I believe, so I need to do my reading tonight.

I have a Chinese test today that typically would have been last Friday, but the professor delayed it because there was so much to cover. I don't know. I guess it's because I've had most of the vocabulary and grammar points in previous classes, but I wish he'd keep to the schedule. He's not a "hard-grader" and his class is really leisurely. We spend a lot of time doing things we should be doing at home--that is, looking over the vocabulary, text, and grammar. If I hadn't done my homework, we'd go over all of the answers in class, so I wouldn't have to.

As for my other Chinese class, I should apply myself a little more these days. I think it's because I've had other obligations, but I'm not juggling them well enough. This week: Test today, read for Rhetoric tonight; Tuesday, nothing pressing; Wednesday, quiz in Chinese; Thursday, quiz in Rhetoric; Friday, homework in Chinese due, "Test" on MS Access due by midnight. I need to find a computer with Access because I don't have it, and the computer labs close early. I might have to do it Wednesday after my classes.

I did, however, this weekend, make two loaves of banana bread. Jared gave me a ton of bananas because his job no longer gives them back to the supplier for a refund when they can't sell them. Good news for me. Eric and I will see him today, so I will give him some bread later.

grades and ice cream

I managed to finish my paper last night without staying up too late. I think it turned out all right, but there were things I wanted to address that I feel I wasn't able to due to the word limit of 1,500; I already had 1,726, and I didn't want to cram more into my already-condensed paper.

I think I'm doing well in my classes. I scored a B+ on my Rhetoric midterm, and I have a B+ in my computer competency class with a few assignments and tests to go to bring the grade up. My Chinese classes, I'm not sure, but I assume I do well.

This weekend, I need to look into graduate schools in China that won't limit me to pursuing Linguistics. Just because I'm an English-Chinese major doesn't mean I want to teach English in China.

My car and the house need cleaning, and because I'll have some time before big projects are due, I should be able to accomplish such things this weekend, weather permitting.

The bread came out nicely. I made another loaf in honor of Eric's arrival in Tuesday. I think next I'll make dough to use for pizza crust.

He's been under the weather the last two days. I think he's a little jet-lagged because he's been so tired morning and night. I hope he's alright. I just don't have time right now to handle it. Maybe I'll take him out for ice cream this weekend.

bread machines and censorship

My days are filled with interesting things, to me at least. I made this bread with my new bread machine given to me by my mother; it--the bread, that is--smells amazing, but it is too hot to eat. I wanted to surprise Eric with homemade bread, but Jared brought up the fact that I've never used the machine, so it may not come out as amazing as I hope. I think his exact words were, "Welcome home, Honey, I made a mess for you!"

I'm currently researching censorship for an essay I'm writing for my class on the history of rhetoric. I'm intensely interested in it, especially as I've started looking through the two-dozen sources I deemed applicable by the titles alone.
I'm of the mind that everything we think, feel, know, see, are is interconnected. Things we treat as separate issues, to me, cannot be separated because everything deals with everything else, at least slightly. Censorship, for example, ties to politics, to art, to social movements, to literature, to other cultures as well as our own, to the past and present as well as the future. We are all products of it in some way or another, and without it, our lives would not be the same.

Any issue you can name, it's connected to us, if nothing else, and without it, everything as we know would be incredibly different. My latest fixation, so to speak, is health and psychology, prejudice and rhetoric of such things.
That (partially) aside, I would love to tie relevant censorship issues to my paper without including political beliefs.

Just write it down. Tape it to the mirror, to the corner of your screen. Repeat it every paragraph, after every sheep as you fall into slumber: political beliefs are not the basis of your argument; censorship as a rhetorical tool is.